Share, share, thats fair

This site has a pretty impressive, or horribly disgusting, selection of extremely unhealthy food ideas. Some of these I will have to make at some point in my life, and others I don't know if I could handle... But enjoy :)

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Keep me at Earth

"Its called the sun, not Victoria, the world does not revolve around you"

This is why I respect Kevin, and also want to kick the shit out of him at the same time.

Ray hates me

For some reason I have a hard time comprehending the fact that he has been cutting with his diet and can't eat like my fatass does. But anyways, these are my early temptation for Fridays 'Death to Jesus Day' sweets. Out of the box, nothing worth bragging about, I just love little bite size things so I wanted to snap a quick picture... And the garnish is sliced crystallized ginger.

My sweet tooth knows no boundaries!

Trailer Park of Terror

I had my definite doubts about this movie. I don’t like to spoil plot points for myself, so I did not read up on it and only provided the little knowledge that is given in the title… It involves a trailer park and there will be some terror involved. Oh yeah, big hint if you may not know me all that well. If you are the kind of person that gives away movies or tells to much of the plot I may become physical. Not sexy physical, like the back of my hand hitting your cheek physical. Anyways… Obviously, any horror movie having to do with ‘redneck’ or ‘trailer park’ is going to have some cheese to it, and personally that is a really thin line of approval for me. So I was not expecting much from this particular film… but I was pleasantly surprised. Actually, I am going to buy this movie, and that is saying something.



Norma is a pretty girl living out her early life in a run down trailer park. All she wants is stability and love, and she has finally found this with her new boyfriend Aaron. After preparing for the local school dance (can I point out she appears to be atleast in her mid 20’s?) there is a scuffle with her waiting boyfriend and the main men of the trailer park. After a few minutes this ends in tragedy, and Aaron is pushed and impaled on the broken iron fence. In tears, Norma runs from the park and walks down the highway to get away, but she is soon approached by a sinister looking gentleman in black who has given her a gun and made ‘a deal’(aka pact with the devil) to get back at those involved in her troubles for a price…



I looked over some reviews and once again an alarming number of people disagree with me and think this movie was a wasted rental. Well fuck. Granted the plot of ‘haunting’ has been done to death, but this actually took a creative and funny turn with it. I genuinely laughed at a few parts, especially Roach(though he had a GREAT jaw bone, so I may be bias because he was alright looking for white trash haha). Also the acting was impressive for the budget, and the cinematography was really good. The angles of some of the shots were amazing and guided you through the story perfectly. And the gore? It was not CGI pumped(done in a careful moderation) and was primarily hand crafted... People just don’t respect that anymore and really should. I would hands down recommend this, and I am sure once I snag a copy I will be handing it out to a few of you locals to watch, especially you Shanda. Also, it appears to be uploaded on Youtube by the user AlterIllusion… and yes, it does appear to be unrated and is available in HQ.

Update

Notice a delay in my entries? Well I have been a bit pre-occupied in general, but specifically I have been out of state for the last couple of weeks. I took a needed vacation to visit family and also have a nice introduction to my new beautiful niece. All was well and very entertaining. Primarily spent time with my two older brothers, and then a little time out in the country side to see my grandparents and also mother. My oldest brother is a shopper, so we went by a few record shops and played Rock Band like crazy haha. I think my biggest score is the soundtrack for Trick or Treat on vinyl though, as well as Clockwork Orange. But on the polar side, while in the country my allergies hit me with full force and I was stuck indoors for the most part, but got to meet the Dahmer look alike neighbor Carl who likes to spend his evenings cutting through the night sky with his chainsaw in a psychotic frenzy, especially when he wants to piss off his neighbors. No joke, I even witnessed the action and fell asleep to the comforting buzz on my last night. Also found out my great grandfather there has a complete slaughter shed for butchering local game. Next time I am there I will definitely be doing a photo shoot in memory of Gein. Also, my mother took me out to the gut dump site, which stunk to hell but made some great pictures thanks to the rotting pigs and arrangements of bones… Wonder what the luggage department at the airline thought when they inspected my bags and found spinals cords haha.

But I managed to get sick thanks to all the kids and their friendly little germs, and at this time also a fucking cripple thanks to my ditzy ass tripping over my luggage.. So I am signing off!

Collection Complete

Pet lover Anita has setup a surprise party for her newly retired husband Jonas, but as soon as he steps through the door the reality of retirement hits him and he looses interest in celebrating. Jonas does not feel like he is ready to live out the rest of his brief life around the house with little to keep him occupied, especially since he is not used to being around his odd ball wife and her many adopted pets. After a few days roll by, things only get worse and he starts to loose his grip on sanity.. but he is not the only one having a hard time with the changes.



There is really no gore in this film, but that is acceptable considering the morbid story makes up for the loss. Though I will note there is a brief ending filled with amusing special effects. Entertaining and definitely worth some time.

Natalie Suleman

Wow... I just want to put in my few cents since this is becoming a rapid story. I watched a brief interview and she clearly stated that she was lonely and made the decision to have an arranged pregnancy since she was unable to hold stable relationships and have another child of her own. When she found out that she was pregnant with octuplets she was pleasantly surprised, as if she is a stray bitch in heat and about to have a litter of puppies, rather than logically discussing an alternative to this situation. It is not like this is a woman in a long term relationship with failing pregnancies wanting a large family, she is a deranged hag having a hard time financially caring for her ALREADY 6 fucking kids when she made this decision to pop out 8 more for her sitter to watch.... So, this clown car twat is soaking up assistance from tax payers because she was 'lonely'. She had 6 fucking kids to start with... SIX! This is already an abnormally big family in my opinion. Also, half of them are mentally disabled(BIG SURPRISE!), so the chances are ridiculously high for these premature babies to have health problems.


Wow, you will pick up all the guys now

Somebody needs to get these kids away from this nut and adopt them out unless they die premature, and give her a fucking tubal ligation. Or, I can fucking rip out her ovaries if they want to take a cheaper route, since she is sucking up everyone's money anyways.

Jack Brooks Monster Slayer

As a small child Jack watched in utter fear as his perfect parents and kid sister are unexpectedly attacked and killed by a monster while on their yearly camping trip. Now Jack is facing anguish and guilt from the traumatizing experience, and has to work with his explosive temper. With this burden in mind, Jack is also trying to balance work as a plumber, a bitch for a girlfriend, and night classes at a local college. Though his life is soon to change. After a class, his professor (Robert Englund) asks if he would be kind enough to take a look at his pipes as he is having some issues with a house he is renovating. Ofcourse, Jack takes a trip by the house that evening. While working on the issue, the pressure from clogged pipes expands to the back yard and an illuminating crack begins to show through the lawn. Soon a dark presence is released and Jack is again faced with his fear of monsters.



I really liked this movie and will probably even consider getting myself a copy. This was not as monster filled as I worried. For me, monsters usually mean cheese, and I can only handle so much.. so I try and steer clear... but I decided to give it a chance and I am very happy that I did. This was an entertaining plot and well put together in my opinion. A needed refresh from all the remakes currently circulating our theaters. This was a bit weak on realistic gore, as all the gore in the film was green and such to fit the 'monster' category... but it was obviously put together with love by the fx crew so it has just as much respect from me, even if I prefer realism. Also, they gave me perverted screen shots haha.



One thing I want to ask though, what in the fuck is wrong with people? I did a quick look over on IMDB and My Name is Bruce is almost hitting 10 and this movie is down in the 6 range with an assortment of bad reviews. Are you kidding me? This movie was the only thing that kept me from falling into a vegetable state after watching My Name is Bruce. This movie had some fun special effects, and had a very funny script and with well selected actors(except for the supposedly 'hot' chicks). The lead as Jack cracked me up, and Robert Englund was obviously a handful... Seriously..

Give me some sugar, baby

I originally heard about My Name is Bruce some time ago as a friend of mine told me it was having a limited local preview. After picking through more information, we found out to our excitement that it was being introduced my Bruce Campbell himself, but it was happening over the coming weekend... In case you haven't picked up yet, that means that if you didn't have a ticket already then you are out of luck because it was obviously sold out. I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that there is a ridiculous amount of Bruce fans here in Portland, let alone the Northwest area.



Flash forward to now. Netflix finally mailed me the movie. I was so excited I am surprised I didn't chew on the Blu-Ray disc. After about 10 minutes into the movie, I felt my stomach knot... After all this anticipation, Bruce threw out a cheesy tongue and cheek. Obviously within his style, but he could have done a LOT better than a few low laughs. Do I still respect my sugar? You bet your ass! But I won't be running out to get this movie, but I am sure there is a line of his fans that will so I am sure he will make a few off of it.

For those of you that are not aware..
Story is of a young man named Jeff that accidentally releases the Asian spirit Guan-Di when having a get together with his friends at the towns old mining cemetery. This vengeful spirit kills his friends within minutes, and begins to terrorize the town. Surviving the incident, Jeff turns to his idolized hero Bruce Campbell to save the town. Little does this kid understand, Bruce is not a gun wielding Ash like portrayed in the movies, so everyone is in for a rough battle against Guan-Di.



Lets go over my traditional now. I won't be buying this, and this movie seems to be either hot or cold with people... so it is a partial recommendation, atleast that is the best way I could recommend it. If this is a quick Netflix rental, or a friend of yours grabbed a copy from a local video shop, give it your time and see what you think. Some people really like it, as this was an added recommendation from a friend of Rays.. but then again my friend Shanda who usually has some questionable taste was on my side that it wasn't worth the wait. So don't buy into a side and just see for yourself. But as for my side, I also want to point out that the gore was also a let down. There was really no selection for morbid taste, mainly the same 'off with his head' shots and that was it for the movie... and that is it for my review

Ah yes...

I had this video posted a few months ago on another profile, but I love this song so much that I have to move it on over...

Tales From the Crypt Presents:

Dead Wait



Directed by Tobe Hooper this is the story of Red (I want to point out that only Kimberly makes a good ginger!), who is set to smuggle a rare black pearl being held on a small Jamaican Island. The owner of the pearl is an aging man that owns a plantation, so Red decides to get hired by the man to get closer to his precious piece. After reviewing things, it is decided by Red that he should get to the pearl through the owners unfaithful girlfriend, Catrine. After a night of affair with the mistress, Red wakes determined to get to the pearl, but little does he know that he is not the only one with plans.


Off with the gingers head!

This is not really the kind of movie that would usually interest me, at least plot wise, but surprisingly it kept me fairly involved and I did enjoy the short. The gore was great, and very entertaining.

Brass Hearses

Tales From the Crypt presents ‘People Who Live in Brass Hearses’



Story of misfit brothers Billy and Virgil. Billy was recently in prison for the past year on accusations that he stole money from the Ice Cream warehouse that he worked at, and now that he is out he is convincing his brother Virgil that they need to get back at the company and rip off the department. After making relatively solid plans, they start on their mission the following day, but it starts bad and ends worse.



First off, let me point out that this features an actor that always put a smile on my face. In a good creepy way he is attractive, and he usually plays odd fucked up parts… Two words… Brad Dourif. This episode was impressive for being a short made for TV, and is actually now a favorite of mine from the series. The plot was pretty good, acting was OBVIOUSLY good, and the gore was exceptional! If you haven't seen this, do so immediately!

I love the Gibb brothers... and Travolta

Ghoul-Aid

I was surfing some blogs this morning and came across the best drink I think I have ever seen. Seriously! I now wish I had social gatherings because this would be AMAZING to serve to guest!



Ingredients:
• 1 ounce Finlandia Vodka
• 1 ounce Chambord
• 3 ounces Pomegranate Juice
• squeeze of lime
Directions: Shake and serve on the rocks.

Garnish:
• canned lychee in syrup, drained
• raspberry (or other red-colored) preserves
• blueberry
Directions: Dry lychee & fill cavity with red preserves. Insert Blueberry, blossom end facing out. Spear with a toothpick or cocktail skewer. Gross!

"You Have No Heart..."

I spent last night writing out updates for my blog since I have been horribly behind. This fortunately meant smoking my Luxury Light Capri's and having a glass of Pinot Noir while sorting and watching a selection of horror. Haha, I felt like a catty snob from Dynasty. Perfect night if you ask me..



I have been reviewing a few of the Tales From the Crypt VHS's I recently scored at a local thrift store. This episode Seance is of a con artist couple, Alison and Benny, as they chase a widows fortune by playing her spiritual adviser, hoping to mimic her late husband and convince her to give them her money. While trying to act out the seance, things go horribly wrong...



Decent and had a nice turn for the worse, but rather cheesy and overplayed with the one liner ending. Gore was a bit amateur, but still good, especially since this was aired as late night tv. I honestly wouldn't pay for this episode alone, but thankfully the trio it is included on is well worth a few bucks to have in a collection.